To help start off this forum, I have gathered some jokes from IT web sites, particularly I think the UNIX one is great, if you are into programming. You can share some of your witty jokes about Microsoft's struggling competitors, they never seem to get their software working better for customers then MS. Or you can express your frustration about troubles that MS is put thought by DOJ. Keep it funny, enjoy!
Due to the recent merger of AOL and Time Warner, AOL members can soon expect the following changes:
* Time Magazine's next "Man Of The Year" issue will feature Steve Case on the cover as the undisputed winner. This of course will strictly be a coincidence.
* The standard irritating AOL popups will be replaced by Warner Bros. cartoons. Now, Elmer Fudd will say, "You cwazy wabbit, you've been onwine for 5 minutes and that's way-y-y too long... we're going to boot you off!"
* When you try to access a web site that AOL blocks because they know that you are too stupid to think for yourself, Tweety Bird will say, "I tawt I taw a Puddy... I did, I did see a Puddy... ACCESS IS DENIED!"
* The next time that you hear Bugs Bunny say, "Eh, what's up Doc?" he will be referring to your monthly AOL subscription charge.
* Now that AOL owns everything, there is no one left for them to sell your private and personal information to. Therefore, they will now use that information to obtain a mandatory AOL Visa card in your name and make purchases on your behalf and bill you whatever they want whether you like it or not.
* Now, when you turn off your TV set, AOL will automatically download television programs without your permission and delete the channels of competitors that they don't want you to watch. Of course the next logical step will be popup ads on the screen while you're trying to watch your favorite show, and the inevitable outcome will be... "You've been watching TV for too long, your connection has been terminated"... CLICK!
If AOL Were A City...
- You'd live in a place where no two people had the same name.
- You'd only pay $21.95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck.
- Once you got outside, even if you were in a hurry, you'd be assaulted by slimy little door-to-door sales creeps offering you great AOL 14.4 modems for only $399.99.
- The commute to work is just a double-click away, but every time you try to leave your driveway, the flow of traffic knocks you back into your yard.
- The local post office would tell your mother you're not a known resident.
- The local post office won't forward your mail to you when you move.
- If you saw a crime and called 911, they'd reply a week later with a form letter saying how you "really are important to us."
- Every time you went shopping, you'd be kicked out of the store by a bouncer screaming, "WE'RE SORRY, THIS STORE IS TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE."
- Whenever you traveled to other cities, people would see your license tag and laugh at you, behind your back.
- You'd occasionally be sent home during your day by another bouncer telling you that the city has performed an illegal operation.
- You'd not have any idea who your neighbors are, and most new arrivals would move in at night, stuff everyone's mailbox with garbage, and vacate before sun-up.
- The administration would build a huge, state of the art park, and allow the kids to play there free, then suddenly start demanding money.
These are actual error messages you can receive when typing in the following messages at a UNIX command prompt.
% rm meese-ethics rm: meese-ethics nonexistent % ar m God ar: God does not exist % rm God rm: God nonexistent % ar r God ar: creating God % "How would you rate Reagan's incompetence? Unmatched ". % [Where is Jimmy Hoffa? Missing ]. % ^How did the sex change^ operation go? Modifier failed. % If I had a ( for every $ Reagan spent, what would I have? Too many ('s. % make love Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop. % sleep with me bad character % got a light? No match. % man: why did you get a divorce? man:: Too many arguments. % ^What is saccharine? Bad substitute. % \(- (-: Command not found. $ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense no sense in pretending! $ drink matter matter: cannot create % man sex No manual entry for sex % cat "food in cans" cat: can't open food in cans % nice man woman No manual entry for woman. % "How would you rate Quayle's incompetence? Unmatched ". % [Where is Elvis? Missing ]. % If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have? Too many ('s. % make love Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop. % !:say, what is saccharine? Bad substitute. % rm meese-ethics rm: meese-ethics nonexistent % ^How did the sex change^ operation go? Modifier failed.
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